Breast feeding vs. Formula... just let it die already!!

Announce that you're pregnant and somewhere in the first 5 questions you get asked you'll hear "Are you planning on breastfeeding?" It's a huge pet peeve of mine. Why do people feel the need to ask this? How is this anyone's business? But sure enough, you will get asked. Here's the thing, no matter what you say, SOMEONE will be against it.

It's ridiculous.

I had a friend who decided not to breastfeed pretty much as soon as she got pregnant. She told me it just made her and her husband uncomfortable. Her doctor went on a 37 week campaign to change her mind. As did most people she told. She didn't breastfeed and amazingly her children are healthy, happy, well adjusted kids. Shocking right? (I am totally rolling my eyes right now)

I had another friend who was very excited about exclusively breastfeeding. It was something she really wanted to do. But her mother-in-law was so adamant that it was important that everyone got to feed the baby so that it bonded with the ENTIRE family (because that's the ONLY way a baby bonds with the people in it's life, obviously), that she tried a few times to sneak the baby a formula bottle when my friend had her back turned. Imagine having your fundamental parenting decisions completely undermined while you were taking a shower.

I breastfed my kids. My first for seven months, my second for six months, my third for five months and my fourth for four months. (notice the pattern there?) They all self-weaned. I tried pumping to keep up with their demand but each time I eventually conceded to what they wanted. When I was going through the process of trying to decide what to do I would occasionally post about my struggles on twitter. Most often I was told to do what was right for me and my baby. Occasionally though I got told the long list of my options for increasing my supply. I appreciated the info and considered it all. And then when I'd decide to give myself a break and make the switch to formula I'd always get hit with the "No! Don't give up! Breast is best!" comments. Sigh.

I really hate the "Breast is Best" slogan. It needs to be changed. Perhaps to "breast is nutritionally best" or something like that, because when it's 2:00am and you haven't had more than 15 hours sleep total all week because your baby is always hungry and you're both crying from the frustration and exhaustion (and bleeding, cracked nipples), maybe breast isn't best. And in those desperate hours when you reach out to the other moms that are still up for support or a sympathetic ear the last thing you need to hear is that "breast is best" and switching to formula is wrong.

There is no right. There is no wrong. There's what works for you, and your baby, and your life, and your baby's needs. It's not up for public debate. Or at least it shouldn't be. Why can't the facts just be presented when they're asked for and judgements reserved? We need to stop second guessing each other and we really need to stop shaming each other no matter what side of the feeding fence you're on. You want to breastfeed? Great, I'll be cheering you on! You want to formula feed? Great, I'll be cheering you on! Because that's what we should be doing as fellow mothers and women.